An Open Letter to My Junior High Bully

My son’s high school sent out a tweet last night informing that this will be Anti-Bullying Week at their school.  Bullying has been a huge issue for so long.  I was bullied on a daily basis from 7th through 9th grade at my Junior High School.  I did a good job of pretending it didn’t bother me, but the effects ran deep.  Luckily, this was in the late 70’s-early 80’s and I was able to escape the bullying when I came home every evening.  In today’s world, cyber bullying doesn’t even allow a child’s home to be a safe place.

The following is an open letter to my junior high bully.

Hello.  You don’t remember me.  I am 99% sure of this.  Why would you?  I was just the insignificant fat girl that brought amusement to you and your buddies on a daily basis.  You never physically bullied me, but because of you I dreaded walking through the front doors of the school each day.  You were there to “greet” me every morning, as you were in my first hour class.  I tried to avoid you, but you always found me.  I can still see the big grin on your face when you would see me coming.  

No matter what I said or did, you turned it into a fat joke.  I tried to dress and act like my friends did, but you had a wonderful knack for finding some way to make fun of anything I wore. 

Yes, believe it or not, I DID have friends.  There were many people, unlike you, that were able to see the real me. There were people that appreciated my intelligence and my humor.  You never saw that, because you didn’t want to see anything but my outer shell.   I can still remember the day one of your friends came up to me privately and apologized for the way you (and your group) treated me.  He told me that he didn’t like it, but couldn’t say anything or he would lose all of his friends. 

I also remember that day when two of my friends and I decided to buy t-shirts and have the words “Snap”, “Crackle”, and “Pop” printed on the back.  We were in 7th grade and for some reason thought it would be cute if we each went by the name of one of the Rice Krispie characters. 

One friend was “Snap, the other was “Pop”, and I was “Crackle”.   I walked into the school on the day we had arranged to wear our shirts, expecting it to be fun.  Of course, I was greeted by you and your friends. 

You pointed at the back of my shirt, which said CRACKLE.  Immediately you informed everybody that I wanted to be called “FATckle”.  Your buddies thought you were hilarious and all day long I had the pleasure of hearing kids yelling out “FATckle” in the hallways when they saw me.   I never wore that shirt again.  As a matter of fact, after that day my wardrobe consisted of men’s bib overalls or flannel shirts. I was done trying to fit in.  You broke me, or so you thought. 

The humiliation continued throughout my junior high years. I DID speak up to you.  Maybe you didn’t realize how much your taunting hurt, because I pretended it didn’t.  Maybe you just didn’t care. 

My dad was transferred at the end of 9th grade and we moved to a new town.  I have never worked harder on myself, both physically and mentally.  I lost quite a bit of weight and I began to step more out of my comfort zone.  I made new friends, and made a new life.

  I was accepted for who I was, and the bullying stopped…for me, anyway. To this day, I have no tolerance for that behavior and I hope that I have instilled the same in my children. 

I noticed that you were a mutual friend with many of my Facebook list, and truthfully..just seeing your name still bothered me.  So, I sent you a private message a year or two ago.  The message looked a lot like this letter.

  I told you that I forgive you, but I hope that you have raised your children to behave differently than you did.  I know that “kids will be kids’, but there is no justification for being mean just to assure the other child will be miserable. 

I actually thanked you in the private message. I thanked you for helping to shape me into the person I am today.  I hope you have grown.  I hope you have changed, but I’ll never know.  You never replied to my message. 

You don’t remember me, but I will NEVER forget you.

Sincerely,  Christy.

Note:

According to stopbullying.gov , the definition of school aged bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.

In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include:

• An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power-such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity to control or harm others.
• Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.

This was a time in my life that is difficult to talk about. If you read this and ever see any type of bullying, please don’t just walk away.  Stand up for that person.  It will mean more to them than you’ll ever realize.