A few weeks ago I was getting on the elevator in an apartment building for senior citizens. No, I don’t live there..although in a few months I will be officially old enough to be a resident there if I wished to be. 😊 As I …
Well, hello everyone! It’s been several months since I’ve written a blog post, so it’s time to check in. No, I didn’t give up my blog. Many people have been asking me this question, because I used to be so active on this page. I’ve …
The day has finally come. I’ve had at least one child in the home since my first son was born. At the time I was 17 years, 10 months, and 4 days old. Today I am 54 years, 1 month, and 26 days old. There has been at least one child living in my home for the past 36 years, 3 months, and 22 days.
When all seven kids were still living at home, life was chaotic on a daily basis.
Sometimes, when I was at my wits end, I would stop and remind myself that all of this would end someday.
Today is that someday.
I smiled and waved tonight as I watched my youngest son, my 18 year old baby, pull out of the driveway. Through aching eyes from holding back tears, I could see the pickup truck was filled to capacity with all of his belongings. I could also see the excitement on his face as he left to embark on his adult life.
Most people don’t know that I had a tattoo at all, but I do. I have a little tiny sunflower on my right ankle. The sunflower is supposed to have a peace sign in the middle of it, but it never really looked like a …
The following is my own personal experience with the Covid vaccine. For those that don’t know me, I am a 53 year old woman, in the health care field, overweight (technically obese but I hate that term), and relatively healthy. When Covid first hit …
Happy New Year! The year 2020 is finally a memory, and will be remembered by many as one of the strangest years ever.
Many will say it was the worst year ever. Many lives were lost due to the Coronovirus pandemic. It was a year of turmoil and uncertainty. People were torn apart..physically, politically, and racially.
Everybody had an opinion. “Wear a mask to protect yourself and others”, “Don’t wear a mask, it violates your rights”, “This virus is dangerous and deadly”, “This virus is nothing more than the flu”, etc, etc..
It was enough for me to want to start shaking sense into people.
Looking back over the past year, it wasn’t ALL bad for me.
My beloved KC Chiefs won the Superbowl.
We had a new grandbaby.
During my husband’s furlough from work, he got several home projects finished.
I got to spend quality time with my elderly dog while working from home for 3 months.
We were able to pay off one of our vehicles and several other small bills after winning $20,000 on a lottery scratch ticket.
My husband left his job of twenty years and is now working locally and home every evening ( although the 3 months unemployed was a struggle, and he took a significant pay cut to do this).
I learned to appreciate the fact that we don’t ALWAYS have to be running somewhere and doing something. Staying home isn’t all that bad.
Who knows? I know that the strike of midnight on January 1st didn’t automatically solve all of our problems. But, as in every new year, it brings a new hope and a chance for a new beginning.
I awoke yesterday morning to a bright clean layer of snow covering the ground, almost as a sign that it’s time to bury the past and start fresh.
Let’s try to do just that.
My cousin Julie passed away yesterday. I knew it was coming, she had terminal cancer. I wasn’t able to see her near the end, but I did have a nice phone conversation with her a few weeks ago. We kept the conversation light. We laughed, …
It has been months since I’ve written a blog post. With all of the chaos of today’s world, the motivation to write a post just has not been there. Last week there was a morning that I got to work super early and had …
Have you ever made a mistake…? Done something that you immediately regret..? Tried to make someone feel bad because you are feeling sad?
It’s like this… You are making a cake. The best, most tastiest cake you ever dreamed of, never mind the way you envision it being decorated. You research recipes, you take notes, you carefully select and painstakingly gather the best ingredients you can find. You exert all of your time and energy into gathering said ingredients. You clean and prepare the work area thoroughly. You minimize distractions. You diligently, lovingly and methodically begin to blend the selected ingredients. You carefully ensure they are incorporated, trying to eradicate any imperfections along the way.
The next step is to put it under extreme heat and witness the beauty and magic of transmutation.
Ahhhhh, it is smelling divine! Watching, ever ready, patiently, attentively..
Now, right here… This part is extremely important. The next step I have found to be one of the hardest.
You think you’re done. You’re ready to be done. You’re tired. You’re hungry. You’re wondering how much more before you can enjoy the fruits of your labor??
But it could look better. You know what you wanted it to look like and taste like, right? Are you there yet? No?
Alright. Onto the ornamental. Why? Because the details. The delicacies. The awe. The magic. The thought, time and care.
Wait a minute though? What about all the thought time and care that has already been invested? Doesn’t that count for something? ? ?
You right. Let me finish what I started. Let me see this through to completion. Let me give a little bit more because the details do matter.
Frosting, decorating, frosting.
Hello self doubt my old friend, I have come to talk with you and pity again. . .
I got distracted. I got impatient. I started feeling unappreciated, and insecure. I started fucking things up the minute I stopped trusting the process and believing in myself. I let distractions get it the way of my vision!
I threw the fully cooked and partially frosted cake against the wall. I gasped in horror and disbelief as I watched something solid I had worked so hard to create become tiny pieces all over the ground.
Dismay. Dumbfounded. Delirium.
What just happened? How could I? Why did I?
I have many theories.
The one question that remains would be is there anything left that is salvageable. And do I even want a salvaged version, when I know the masterpiece it could have been,,, it would have been,,,, it should have been…
I’m desperate. Sifting through pieces and remains.
Dirty, crumbled, fragile remains.
Regret. Remorse.
Breakdown. Breakthrough.
Now what?
Now I cry. Until I can’t.
Then, when I am good and ready, I clean. And clean, and clean some more.
I prepare.
And I laugh.
I have done this before, so therefore I can certainly do this again.
This time I have hindsight.
This time I have everything I had before, and more.
This time, I will try my best.
Again.
Knowing every time I get a little bit better at this whole making a masterpiece thing.
The past couple of months have been interesting. What have I learned/done during my time of social distancing? I learned that I can work from home. I made a daily plan,stuck with it and literally crossed off my accomplishments from my list daily. I …
