Understanding REAL Anxiety
Where do I start? I guess I’ll begin by saying that I recently started seeing a therapist for my mental health. No shame. I truly needed it and I do believe it is helping me. I mentioned to her this week that I have a blog but haven’t written for quite some time, and she suggested that I do so. I think this was the push that I needed, so here goes nothing….
I retired from my job in December. Many people realize this, many do not. When I decided to retire, I was excited about my future. My sister and I made plans to take trips together. I planned on devoting more time to my blog, relaxing, and simply enjoying life. 2021 had been a stressful year, I’ve had a stressful life in general, and I was ready to focus on myself more.
A couple of months into the new year, I began to experience severe anxiety. I’ve always had some anxiety, but NOTHING like this. My doctor tried me on an anxiety medication that only made things worse and I stopped taking it. I still feel like I had a bad reaction to this or something, because life changed so much for me. I began suffering from panic attacks. One attack in particular was so terrible that I ended up in the ER with a BP of 218/104. I was CONSTANTLY on edge, feeling like I was ready to crawl out of my skin. Trying to get through each day was a full time job in itself. I worked for years with people that suffered from debilitating anxiety, and now I realize that I never fully understood what they were dealing with. I do understand now.
Have any of you ever suffered from health anxiety? Oh, my…this has been awful. During times of stress I found myself clenching my jaw so much that I now have tmj issues. Of course, I didn’t realize that was the cause of my headaches, dizziness, neck and ear pain, etc. A visit to the ENT diagnosed this. Once I figured this out I have been making conscious efforts not to clench, and it has gotten better.
TMJ hasn’t been the only issue. Gastric issues, severe Gerd, globus sensation..just a whole slew of things. Of course, I often find myself going down the Google rabbit hole and obsessing over all the things that could be wrong. When this happens, panic sets in again. It’s a vicious circle.
Because of my constant health anxiety, there actually have been a few very real things discovered through tests. I learned I have moderate sleep apnea and will soon be getting a CPAP. Maybe I’ll get better sleep and be more functional during the day.
I also was FINALLY able to get a CT of my abdomen. Twelve years ago during a CT for a back issue, I learned that there was a mass on one of my adrenal glands. In the last couple of years my drs had attempted unsuccessfully to get a CT approved to follow up on this. My insurance at the time would not approve it. With the anxiety/adrenaline rushes of recent months, we finally got this done. I don’t recall how big the mass was before, but according to my primary care provider it is a decent sized mass. She referred me to the endocrinologist for further tests. Hopefully it is still benign, as it was many years ago.
I also received a positive Cologuard test, which means I will be having a colonoscopy very soon. Hoping for the best in this situation as well.
There have been several things in my personal life that have caused enormous stress on me as well, but I won’t go into detail. It’s just been one thing after another. I am sure that all of these things have manifested into physical problems for me, but through therapy, meditation, and self talk I am getting through them.
In a perfect world, everything would be peaceful and calm…but I am vowing to try and find my own calm and joy in the midst of all of life’s storms.
Even though life has been a bit crappy recently, there are others that have it worse and I continue to pray for them daily. If any of this has resonated with you, feel free to comment or message me. I’m always available, don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to listen.
