Second Chances

My first semester of college was a disaster. My son was born in February of my senior year in high school. I was determined that I wasn’t going to fall behind all of my classmates, so I enrolled in our local community college right after high school. By this time I was married with a 6 month old child, working part time, and trying to carry a full time college load. This is my story about second chances.

Excitement

I began the semester motivated and excited. I can still remember most of my class load. Business management, Business Law, Sociology, and I think the other was English Comp I..not quite sure on that one. It’s been 34 years, I’m surprised that I still remember as much as I do!

It started out great. I attended classes during the day and worked at Wal-Mart evenings and one weekend day. I was getting good grades. When I wasn’t at school or work, I was taking care of the baby or studying. My marriage was ROCKY (to put it mildly), and about halfway through the semester my husband and I split up. I tried to keep up my schedule, but doing it alone wasn’t easy. I applied for income-based housing because I couldn’t afford the rent for our home by myself , and I and the baby moved in with my parents temporarily while I was on the housing wait list.

My son’s first birthday (two months shy of my 19th birthday)

Done..

After a month, I got the call that an apartment was available. By this time, I was falling behind in my class work. I was jealous of my friends that got to go out and have a good time. I felt excluded and very lonely. I had so much on my mind, and truthfully I just quit caring about school. I stopped going, but I didn’t drop my classes. Guess what happens if you quit going to college but don’t drop your classes? That’s right, you get failing grades on your transcript.

Did I care at the time? Nooo. Did I listen to my mother when she told me that if I wasn’t going to go I needed to officially withdraw? Nooo. Did I care that I was disappointing my parents that had been helping me through all of this? Of course not. I was 18 years old. I thought I knew it all. I decided that I would just work full time at Wal-Mart. In my mind I was finished with school, forever.

Well, maybe not…

Fast forward a couple of years. After working at Wal-Mart for two years, I decided that I was tired of it. Somehow I met a recruiter for a technical school,and somehow this person convinced me that I wanted to become a dental assistant. What? That is one career that was NOT on my radar, but it sounded interesting. Next thing I knew I was enrolled in school and driving thirty miles each way on a daily basis to attend dental assisting school. I enjoyed the school, and I made several new friends.

When it was time to do my internship, I was looking forward to putting all of my new knowledge to use in a real dental office. It was horrible. I don’t know if it is because the dentist I was paired with was a jackass (yes, he was), or if dental assisting just wasn’t for me..but I cried every morning before I left for work. Every ounce of my being wanted to quit, but I knew that the internship was part of my schooling and I needed to finish it. I did finish it, and was surprised at the graduation ceremony when my name was called as valedictorian of the class.

After graduation, I tried to make myself get a job in the field. The thought of chairside assisting repulsed me. My terrible experience during internship caused me to walk away from dental assisting and never look back. To make matters worse, this was a very expensive school and I had taken out several student loans in order to attend. Again, I was a disappointment. Again, I didn’t care.

Figuring It Out

After going back to trusty old Wal-Mart for another year, I got a job as a paraprofessional for our local Head Start program. It was during this time that I decided to start taking classes for Early Childhood Education at the community college. There was one problem. My transcript was full of Fs from that first semester, when I quit going and didn’t care. I did an appeal to remove these grades from my GPA. The appeal involved writing a detailed letter to explain my situation. I was granted the appeal, and although it took me many years of taking one or two classes per semester, I ended up graduating with honors and a 3.8 grade point average. I then continued my education, eventually changing my major to psychology after deciding that I no longer wanted to be a teacher.

What’s My Point?

During these years, I made a lot of mistakes. I still do. After reconciling with my first husband, we split up again and divorced after fifteen years.   Eventually  I met my current husband, who was a great support while I juggled work, school, and motherhood to our blended family of 7 kids. We have now been married for seventeen years.

Our kids weren’t perfect.  I was far from a perfect mother.  We had great moments, and we had really crappy moments as well. Most of them listened to my advice about as much as I listened to my parents. But, as they follow their own paths, I am very proud of each one of them. Some of them have faced obstacles that even I didn’t know about. I wish I could have walked in front of them and smoothed out all of the bumps in the road..but those bumps are an important part of life, and I realize that.

It wasn’t until this afternoon when I was conversing with one of my kids that it dawned on me. They have no idea about all of the wrong turns I’ve made throughout my life.

Looking back, I am truly grateful that I was given a second (and third, fourth)chance in so many of my life situations. I wish my parents were here today for me to thank them for always being supportive and always believing in me,even when I gave them every reason to turn their backs on me.

Here’s my point (finally, I know)..

I’m not saying a person shouldn’t take things seriously, but I AM saying that a person should never give up if things don’t go exactly as planned. I wasn’t ready to go to college when I first started, but I got another chance when I was REALLY ready to get serious about it. I initially chose a career that I detested (dental assisting), but life and second chances brought me to the career that I have today in mental health..a career that I love. Who knows what else life has in store for me? Who knows what life has in store for all of you? Live your life to the fullest, never be afraid to take a new path, and be grateful for those second chances.